Definitely not Burger King
Definitely not Burger King
From the Twin Daddy:
Here we are at 16 weeks heading into 17 weeks and falling behind on our blog. It’s been a busy month for us with work projects, fencing tournaments, fencing exams, and training on my side. On Mary’s side she finished grading all the work from her class, got her grades online, and then began cranking out pages for her dissertation.
As if to add to the wild ride I picked up a nasty cold and then the government passed the health care bill which spawned a series of contentious discussions all across the country. I admit, I participated in these discussions myself and while generally civil I can be a bit smug as well. I come from a family of gloaters and we’re just as likely to talk trash over a game of Monopoly as we are over politics.
Mary already mentioned the issue with velamentous cord insertion and this bears a bit more discussion I think.
How I make my plans
When we found out that Mary was pregnant I began creating a mental list of the different challenges we were going to face. When we found out that we were having twins that list bumped up the toughness scale a few notches.
Then we enter a basic 4 step process:
- Research the situation.
- Make the best plan you can with what you know.
- Work the plan to produce results.
- Update and change the plan if necessary as you learn more.
That is a pretty good setup but pregnancy doesn’t play fair. Pregnancy isn’t Burger King and our satisfaction isn’t guaranteed. Likewise it isn’t an engineering exam and you can’t study to get an ‘A’. You solve the problems you can, make the best plans you can, and then hope for the best. I expect most times that works.
My wife is doing fine and the kids have strong heartbeats like triphammers as we heard during out last appointment. Unfortunately, we have run into another ‘what-if’ scenario called velamentous cord insertion for both twins that could cause complications during labor. (On the other hand it could just completely sort itself out and go away too.)
The midwife tried to reassure us that they were just being cautious, but I made the mistake of heading to teach the fencing class that night and leaving my wife armed with a loaded Internet. She went out and read about the stuff, which is of course scary, and I got home to find out she had been crying off and on since I left. I don’t care what kind of rational man you are. When your pregnant wife is crying, there is little you wouldn’t do to stop it.
This puts two issues on my pregnancy radar:
- Watch out for twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome (TTTS).
- The velamentous umbilical cord insertions could mean that we’re looking at a C-section.
Now we get into some conflicting dissonance between our birthing center and the baby-ninja.
Baby-ninja: Recommends ultrasounds every 2 weeks after week 17 in order to watch for TTTS.
Birthing Center: Radiologists always want more scans. We aren’t going to do another ultrasound until week 20 and after that we’ll do another scan every month to check things out.
Baby-ninja: Never mentioned velamentous cord insertion in their ultrasounds.
Birthing Center: Told us the baby-ninja’s ultrasound identified this and referred us to a perinatologist to do another round of ultrasounds at week 20.
Worse, the Birthing Center lady seemed surprised that when they dropped the new technical term on us that we wanted them to write the word down and then provide us with an explanation of what it meant. This irritates me and I realize that I am not entirely rational in my perspective.
Why be so indiffirent to the baby-ninja’s recommendation for more ultrasounds while simultaneously offhandedly warning us about the velamentous cord insertion and then sending us to a high risk pregnancy doctor at week 20? They had sung the praises of Dr. Hershey and his staff so that we believed he is the baby rock star. They should not be surprised when they contradict the baby-ninja’s recommendation and then we twitch.
My friend Cindy is a good role model in this regard. When she was diagnosed with diabetes she took an active role in her own treatment and had a few very direct conversations with doctors when she didn’t think they were giving her due diligence. It turns out that diabetes medicine is rife with all sorts of conflicting and even dangerous bad information. A group of my friends educated themselves on the latest diabetes research then literally bootstrapped their own health with better diet and an active and educated approach to their own health care.
It is like they don’t make the connection that we’re worried about this stuff and they drop phrases like “increased risk” without thinking it will make us go bonkers worrying about it. After dealing with this on more than one occasion the twin daddy wants to go lie under his desk and growl at anyone who comes nearby.
Engaging in Positive Conflict
So, my birthing center can blame themselves (and Cindy) for what I did next. I called Dr. Hershey’s office and explained the contradictions I already listed above. They let me speak to one of their counselors who said they had seen the cord insertion issue but didn’t think it was too serious beyond keeping an eye on it. She also promised she would send us some information and then put our file on Dr. Hershey’s desk. He is going to call our birthing center to explain why he made his recommendations.
So there it is…Dr. Hershey’s office did see the velamentous cord insertion but they didn’t think it was going to be any sort of issue. “Yes, we want to keep an eye on it, but unless something changes it should not be a problem.”
With this in mind we need to add to our successful planning strategy for pregnancy:
- Research the situation.
- Make the best plan you can with what you know.
- Work the plan to produce results.
- Update and change the plan if necessary as you learn more.
- Be an active participant in your own medicine.
- Be prepared to handle conflict when it arises.
Somebody listening in there?
Our pregnancy books say that the babies are listening to us and will be able to recognize Mom’s voice and speech patterns. They will recognize mine too but at least initially she gets top billing.
WifeWatch 2010
Food
Mary is eating smaller meals now and drinking water religiously. We had one incident last week where she got sick and she stopped taking the prenatal vitamin for a couple of days to let her stomach settle. She seems to be doing fine again in that regard. She has had some additional hunger pangs which might indicate that we’re in for the next growth spurt. Her tummy measurement did go up again this morning and eventually I’ll publish a tummy size chart.
Mood
There is a growing level of pregnancy discomfort and round ligament pain is starting to show up as her belly reorganizes. It doesn’t help that her allergies are kicking in. She can’t soak in the tub, and she’s limited to specific medicines. She’s resorting to hot tea (decaffeinated) and I’ve been heating wet towels for her head to see if we can ease the congestion a bit.
Sleep
Mary is doing pretty well at sleeping on her side now, but she is also a bit fitful.
Babies Countdown – The Double Header
163 Days until September 9
I have added two new doctors’ appointments. The first is with Dr. Sherrie McElvy who is the perinatologist. The second is a more routine appointment with the birthing center.
- Thursday, April 1 is 17 weeks.
- Sunday, April 4 is our fist child birthing class.
- Thursday, April 8 is Twin Week number 18 and Halfway Home Day.
- Sunday, April 11 is child birthing class number 2.
- Wednesday, April 14 is our first appointment with the perinatologist. Hope for gender information on this day.
- Thursday, April 15 is week 19, a doctor’s appointment at the Women’s Clinic, and Tax Day .
- Sunday, April 18 is child birthing class number 3.
- Thursday, April 22 is week 20 and our tour of the birthing facility at child birthing class number 4. We should be feeling regular baby kicks by then. (By this time we should also know the gender via ultrasound provided the little ones have not been shy.)
- Thursday, May 7 and the twins become viable as early as 22 weeks.
- Thursday, May 20 and 90% of twins born at 24 weeks survive and that number only gets better from here on out.
- Thursday, August 12 and we hit our goal of 36 weeks minimum. From here on the twins could come at any time.
- Thursday, September 9 and we hit 40 weeks. This is our due date even if we expect the twins to possibly come sooner.
- 4 Weeks Post Delivery – Look for baby smiles.
- Sometime After the Delivery – 4.5 months of the Twinsanity Interval.
We had hoped that our appointment today might involve another ultrasound and a chance at discovering the gender of our babies. Unfortunately, that was not the case. It looks like it will be 4-5 weeks before we have a chance of finding out if we’re having two little boys or two little girls. While Dr. Hershey (the baby-ninja) had recommended that at 17 weeks we start having ultrasounds every two weeks to watch for Twin-to-twin Transfusion Syndrome, our health clinic has opted to not have our next ultrasound until week 20.
We met today with a midwife and her trainee at our Women’s Health Clinic, and we did get to hear both of our little ones’ heartbeats. They both sounded good, and my blood pressure was fine. As our appointment was winding down, the midwife mentioned that we had a condition called Velamentous insertion of the umbilical cord which might mean that it would be better for me to have a C-section with my twins. (Yes, I had never heard of it either.) She seemed surprised when we quizzed her on what exactly that meant and asked her to write down the name for us, but she explained and also pulled up a web page on it. Fewer than 9% of twin pregnancies have velamentous insertion as a complication, and it adds a bit to the risk of the pregnancy.
I must say, if you are going to tell a pregnant couple that they have some new oddity to their pregnancy, you shouldn’t be surprised when they don’t just nod and say, “Oh, a watchyamacallit. Okay.” The medical term likely means very little to us (until we can research it). What we want to know is what it means, what added risks it brings, what we can watch out for, and if there is anything we can do to positively influence outcomes.
I believe it is partially because of the velamentous insertion (when added to other factors like my age and having twins who are monochorionic) that they are referring us to a different specialist for our 20-week ultrasound. This time we’ll be going to a perinatologist. What is a perinatologist? An obstetrician specializing in high-risk pregnancies. Only around 10% of pregnancies are referred to perinatologists. We should hopefully hear from the perinatologist’s office in less than a week. One comfort is that perinatologists probably deal with a higher percentage of multiple births in their practices.
Stressful? Yes. Admittedly, I cried a little bit tonight after Puck left for practice and I did a little web research. You just want a pregnancy to go as smoothly as possible with as few complications as possible. Still, our little babes did very well on their first screening for genetic problems, and they were ahead of schedule on growth. So, we will be thankful that so much has been learned about pregnancies over the years. We will hope that the pregnancy goes well, and we will continue to look forward to finding out our babies’ gender.
Now, I will drink another 15 ounces of water and get back to work.
From the Twin-Daddy:
I traveled to Denver on Tuesday to do some on-site training for a customer and didn’t get back until late Wednesday evening. I don’t like leaving my wife alone for too long, but she is nose to the grindstone right now doing teacher stuff at the end of her academic quarter and is simultaneously cranking out PhD dissertation pages. She made certain I knew that she had food to eat while I was gone and that helps, but I’ll try to convince her to post the story about her Wednesday morning breakfast cooking disaster later.
Coming home to a wife, a dog, and babies on board.
After I landed in Sacramento my cute pregnant wife was waiting for me at the airport in her “Twins on Board” T-shirt. Getting home, we took the Great Dane for a quick walk around the block, started up an episode of Mythbusters, and then I promptly fell asleep on the sofa. My wife prodded me until there was room for her to lie on me which meant she got to snuggle why I slept. Sometimes life is pretty good.
Today is our next OB-GYN appointment this afternoon and we’re hoping to get an Ultrasound that may give us a clue to the gender. Last night I had a dream that the babies had arrived and while a bit tiny they were very healthy and happy. I even dreamed I found out the gender and I figure the dream has a 50-50 chance of being correct. Trust that if we do find out we will post that here almost immediately.
It is also Twin Day here meaning we have now reached Week 15. Our goal is at least 36 weeks and that means we are only three weeks from Halfway Home Day.
Babies Countdown – The Double Header
175 Days until September 9
- Today is Twin Week number 15 and is the next OB-GYN appointment.
- Thursday, April 1 is 17 weeks and we are expecting ultrasounds about every two weeks after this to watch out for twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.
- Thursday, April 8 is Twin Week number 18 and Halfway Home Day.
- Thursday, April 22 is week 20 and we should be feeling regular baby kicks by then. (By this time we should also know the gender via ultrasound provided the little ones have not been shy.)
- Thursday, May 7 and the twins become viable as early as 22 weeks.
- Thursday, May 20 and 90% of twins born at 24 weeks survive and that number only gets better from here on out.
- Thursday, August 12 and we hit our goal of 36 weeks minimum. From here on the twins could come at any time.
- Thursday, September 9 and we hit 40 weeks. This is our due date even if we expect the twins to possibly come sooner.
- 4 Weeks Post Delivery – Look for baby smiles.
- Sometime After the Delivery – 4.5 months of the Twinsanity Interval.
From the Twin-Daddy:
We are at Twin Week number 14!! This Thursday is week 15 and our OB-GYN appointment. If we are lucky, there will be an ultrasound and the possible identification of baby gender parts. (No promises on this one but expect us to post here immediately when we find out for certain.)
On Geeks
There is a growing recognition that the word ‘Geek’ is no longer entirely perjorative. Instead geeks are people who express great enthusiam for a specific subject and take joy in discovering and debating the minutia of a topic. Geeks take some pleasure in expertise over a subject.
For example I am a sword geek. Being a sword geek, I read about swords, practice with swords, and then argue about swords on the Internet with my friends. The saving grace of being a sword geek versus something less mainstream, like say a Star Trek geek, is that swords seem cooler than Star Trek to most normal people. (For the record, I’m a Star Trek geek as well.)
The other thing is that the geek’s behaviors tend to carry into other areas of life. When a geek becomes interested or enthusiastic about a subject you can expect information binging to occur.
Pregnancy Geek
Being the husband of a pregnant lady is hands on work.
My wife and I were walking around town when she turned and sleepily leaned into me and pressed her face onto my shoulder. My comment was, “Wow… you’re much warmer than I am. It must be because of your increased circulation since you are pumping about 40% more blood than I am.”
That’s when I realized that I had become a pregnancy geek. Yes… I delight in the details and the learning that goes with it. We make charts and look endlessly for that new piece of interesting information. I cruise the Internet reading about what is coming next.
I’ve started fantasizing about my Daddy-bag filled with diapers, wet wipes, two spare changes of baby clothes, a collection of books and toys, a small first aid kit, infant fingernail clippers, 4 binkies (1 for each twin and spares), and various manly things in the same category.
WifeWatch 2010
Food
Mary’s food cravings have been slowing down and the temptation would be to fall back into our normal routine. Without getting feedback from her about apetite I have had to remind myself to push her to eat regular snacks. We’ve stocked up on quick pregnant foods that she can easily make herself if I’m not there as well.
- Peanut Butter and Jelly
- Total cereal
- Cheerios
- Oatmeal
- Low-sugar yogurt
- Hamburger refried bean dip stored cold in the fridge
On top of that she is trying to increase her daily water intake to stay hydrated. She has been getting some of the predictable pregnant lady heartburn, and we’ve been countering that with candied ginger which has been working really well.
Mood
With the first trimester gone, Mary’s symptoms have also diminished. She actually found herself missing some of these because they were reassuring to her.
There is one amusing item; we were planning on keeping Mary’s pregnantial state a secret until her birthday March 3. That sounds great but when you see the pictures of her at 12 weeks, you realize how silly that actually was.
Pregnant? Me? Why would you say that?
Sleep
Yesterday Mary didn’t need an afternoon nap. She doesn’t think that she will need one today either which seems to place us fairly well into the honeymoon phase of the pregnancy.
Babies Countdown – The Double Header
178 Days until September 9
I am adding one new item to this list. Around 4 weeks after they are born we can expect to see our first baby smiles. I personally like that so it is going on my list. (You can make your own list and put whatever you like on yours… mine has projected baby smile dates on it.)
- Thursday, March 18 is Twin Week number 15 and is the next OB-GYN appointment. (There is a good chance we can learn the gender of the twins here if they give us an ultrasound.)
- Thursday, April 1 is 17 weeks and we are expecting ultrasounds about every two weeks after this to watch out for twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome.
- Thursday, April 8 is Twin Week number 18 and Halfway Home Day.
- Thursday, April 22 is week 20 and we should be feeling regular baby kicks by then. (By this time we should also know the gender via ultrasound provided the little ones have not been shy.)
- Thursday, May 7 and the twins become viable as early as 22 weeks.
- Thursday, May 20 and 90% of twins born at 24 weeks survive and that number only gets better from here on out.
- Thursday, August 12 and we hit our goal of 36 weeks minimum. From here on the twins could come at any time.
- Thursday, September 9 and we hit 40 weeks. This is our due date even if we expect the twins to possibly come sooner.
- 4 Weeks Post Delivery – Look for baby smiles.
- Sometime After the Delivery – 4.5 months of the Twinsanity Interval.
From the Twin-Daddy:
Last Thursday our kids hit 13 weeks. Hello Second Trimester here we are!
I learned some new things while Linda, Kate, and Eric were visiting.
Unbreakable Dishes Are Your Friend
First, Linda asked if we had plastic dishes for the kids. We didn’t have any, and we carefully served the kids with glass and ceramics without any drama or shenanigans.
I personally hate plastic because I feel like it is cheap and kind of gross for dishes. Of course, my attitudes are going to have to adjust because when you have got two kids with almost no precise muscle control, you are going to be throwing a good number of your dishes on your floor. Accept this as fact. Consider how foolish you once were in your fragile dish lifestyle and move on.
Know Where Your Next Pit-stop Is
San Francisco - A city without public bathrooms.
Next, San Francisco hates pregnant women. Seriously. Ladies of a certain ‘pregnantial’ state have a pressing need to pee every 17.5 minutes. Visit San Francisco and you will find a swarm of establishments that happily tell you they do not have a public restroom.
It’s like an alternate universe in which a man sitting behind a counter somehow ignores a pregnant woman with a desperate look and her legs crossed and goes back to reading his paper. That might be fine for me, but when it comes to my pregnant wife I’m less forgiving. After 6 different stops looking for a public bathroom, I was ready to run interference while she discretely peed on the floor of a local merchant. It would serve them right.
Some Serious Discussion about the Potty Issue:
The actual reason for no public bathrooms in big cities is because of the homeless problem, and San Francisco is no exception. There is a discussion to be had there, but it gets into some pretty tense politics. If you want to skip this, I have marked the pick up of the article in red below. (Read along at your own peril.)
In the 1960s California’s LPS Act was meant to provide mental patients with rights but the effect was that it became harder to commit a mentally ill patient to a state hospital for longer than a couple of weeks. (That’s 3 days of observation and 14 days of commitment.)
These people were then supposed to be passed down to local communities. The same year governor Reagan signed the LPS Act, he simultaneously cut 1700 mental hospital staff positions and closed some state hospitals. The funding for local community mental health care never materialized and the mentally ill often became homeless.
They would occasionally be committed to either a medical facility, a short term mental facility, or a prison in a sort of perpetual revolving door. A new class of chronic mental patient developed who was repeatedly committed and released. Without insurance or any preventative medicine services they often become physically ill requiring regular emergency room visits. In rural communities, the issue isn’t as obvious but when you concentrate populations into an urban center it becomes more serious.
- The good news is that a mentally ill patient is able to exercise certain rights.
- The bad news is that the state abandoned many of these people to the streets.
City merchants don’t want the homeless & mentally ill in their stores. By denying access to a bathroom they attempt to screen out these people. Because the LPS act is now the basis for all mental health care in the United States both the good and the bad parts became national.
The VA prepared a report on all of this in 1999 that is worth reading for the history of the LPS act by Carla Jacobs.
Sadly, I don’t see an easy solution to the problem, but the VA report has some recommendations.
End of Politically Tense and Serious Discussion
Here is the moral to the bathroom story for guys shepherding a pregnant lady. Always keep your eyes open for a Starbucks. They have a public bathroom, snacks, and bottled water. All of these are essential to maintenance for your particular queen-mum. Say what you want about pervasive coffee-houses. Getting my wife successfully into a bathroom in downtown San Francisco when everyone else was turning her away made the three dollar coffee taste pretty good.
Music to Give Birth to…
The other item of note is that Mary has expressed some interest in having nice music while she is in labor. I’m expecting Beatles and Mozart in her set list but you have to admit that a playlist called ‘childbirth‘ is going to be pretty interesting. I encourage you to think abouts songs you might add to your own personal list.
WifeWatch 2010
Food
Any day the wife eats spinach is a good day.
Mood
Mary’s big birthday present from me this year was a pair of Birkenstock sandals with padded soles. Why is this a good pregnancy gift?
- Pregnant women get aching feet.
- At some point pregnant women cannot even see their feet. Getting her comfortable slip on sandals means she doesn’t need to ask Twin-Daddy to tie her shoes. She has got enough to worry about as it is without that on her plate.
Sleep
Mary’s wake up reflex is on a hair trigger now. I expect this is another evolutionary Mommy-trick to detect predators. At the point when Ninjas attack our house my wife will hear them regardless of ninja stealthiness and having instantly awakened will locate them by scent alone. Then she will lecture the ninja on the importance of family responsibility, protein, and regular trips to the bathroom.
Babies Countdown – The Double Header
187 Days until September 9
- Thursday, March 11 is Twin Week number 14.
- Thursday, March 18 is the next OB-GYN appointment. (There is a good chance we can learn the gender of the twins here if they give us an ultrasound.)
- Thursday, April 8 is Twin Week number 18 and Halfway Home Day.
- Thursday, April 22 is week 20 and we should be feeling regular baby kicks by then. (By this time we should also know the gender via ultrasound provided the little ones have not been shy.)
- Thursday, May 7 and the twins become viable as early as 22 weeks.
- Thursday, May 20 and 90% of twins born at 24 weeks survive and that number only gets better from here on out.
- Thursday, August 12 and we hit our goal of 36 weeks minimum. From here on the twins could come at any time.
- Thursday, September 9 and we hit 40 weeks. This is our due date even if we expect the twins to possibly come sooner.
- Sometime After the Delivery – 4.5 months of the Twinsanity Interval.