Poker face!

From the Twin-Daddy:

Hunter-Gatherer makes his Poker Face.

Last Wednesday during our check-up, I nonchalantly told the OB-GYN that we are expecting the boyos in about 4-9 weeks.  He gave me a bemused look and informed me that 4-6 weeks is probably closer to the mark.  This is a good time to practice your poker face because the last thing your terribly pregnant wife wants to see is your panicking “HOLY BLAMAZONEE!!” face.

Thus I responded, “Sure.  Sure.  That’s no problem and well within our timetable.  We’ve got everything on schedule.”

I recommend following this with a reassuring look to the wife as if to say, “That’s terribly silly since we’re obviously the most prepared people in the history of childrearing.  Quite the nerve he has for even suggesting we might not be ready.”

Much later when you are alone run around in circles for ten minutes trying to figure out what you still need to do.

After conferring with my friend Leigh, she gave me a basic list of things babies immediately need.

Babies Immediately Need

• A way to get home (Car seats)
• Clothes to wear
• Diapers
• Food to eat (translate that as extra food for the breastfeeding mommy)
• A place to sleep
• A Baby monitor can come a bit later because you’re bunking with the babies in your room

This list may seem obvious to a rational person, but I’m an expectant father so I don’t remotely qualify as rational.  It is entirely possible that you may find me running down the highway naked with a tofu chicken duct-taped to my head to reduce my drag coefficient.  (It should be clear to anyone with any scientific background that a tofu chicken has less wind resistance than a normal chicken.)

With this in mind, I like this obvious list and I’ve used it to create this:

Get-er-done checklist:

1. Second infant car seat. – (Arriving on Thursday and special thanks to Aunt Annie for it).
2. Install the car seats.
3. Assemble the double bassinet. (Done and special thanks to the baby shower crew for that.)
4. Cell phone so that the husband can be reached anywhere at anytime by the anxious pregnant lady who may have imminent double-babyhood.  (poker face! poker face!)
5. Start prepping the hospital bag with clothes, baby stuff, and charged cameras.
6. Finalize a birthing plan.

With our friends buying us a large collection of diapers for the baby showers we’ve got a start on our bouncing boy baby’s butt needs.  I have an assembled twin bassinet and a crib ready to go.  We’ve got baby clothes and I’ve been stocking up the fridge with mom food so we are actually looking fairly good at the moment.  I reserve the right to update this list as needed, but I think we are getting pretty close to being ready.

Best of all, experienced relatives are standing by ready to head our way at the first sound of twin wallerin’.

Babies Countdown – The Double Header

58 days until September 2

27 days until 10-Pounder Day (August 2)

37 days until Median Day (August 12)

• This week Puck gets a cell phone.
• Sometime in mid-July Mary gets fitted for her nursing bra and takes the super-sucker in for cleaning.
• Wednesday, July 14 is our next appointment with the OB-GYN.
• Thursday, July 15 is 32 weeks and Boob Day, which is when the boys could live off breast milk.
• Wednesday, July 21 is our next (and final) appointment with the Perinators.
• Monday, August 2 is our wedding anniversary and 10-Pounder Day.
• Thursday, August 12 and we hit our goal of 36 weeks minimum. This is Median Day.
• Thursday, September 2 and we reach 39 weeks. The OB-GYN has said she doesn’t want Mary to carry beyond this date.
• Thursday, September 9 and we hit 40 weeks. This is our due date even if we know the twins will be here sooner.
• 2 weeks Post Delivery – Schedule a follow up appointment with the Lactation Lady.
• 4 Weeks Post Delivery – Look for baby smiles.
• After the Delivery – 4.5 months of the Twinsanity Interval.