Crystal: Kate’s Cat

Our niece Kate loves cats. Recently, she drew a lovely picture and wrote a short story about her cat Crystal.

Kate

We thought it might be interesting to interview Crystal the Cat, and we called Papa who lives with Crystal to see if he could help us out. We weren’t expecting much beyond a ‘meow’ or two, but when we explained the purpose of the call, Papa seemed very happy to help. In fact he claimed that he could easily translate for us.

Me: Papa, nobody can speak to cats. This is silly.
Papa: I do it all the time.
Me: That’s not what I meant. Nobody can understand what cats are saying.
Papa:You’ve never used an iPhone have you?
Me: No… but…
Papa: Then you should know that I have a program on my iPhone that lets me translate my cats’s meows into English, Spanish, or Texan.
Me: I don’t know about this… it seems fishy.
Papa: I do have a Ph.D. in chemistry.
Me: Well… okay then.

With that Papa fired up his iPhone, and we began the interview with Crystal the Cat.

Me: Hello, Crystal the Cat. I’m very pleased to be interviewing you today.
Crystal: Meooowrr!
Papa: She says it is nice to speak with you too.

Me: Crystal, how did you come to live with Papa and Grandma?
Crystal: Meooowrr!
Papa: She says that she adopted Papa, Grandma, and their 6 dogs as her new family.

Me: Papa, I can’t tell that this ‘meow’ was any different from the last one. Are you sure this is working?
Papa: Incredible isn’t it? Those guys at Apple really are amazing.

Me: Umm, okay… Crystal, why would you pick a family with 6 dogs?
Crystal: Meow… Mew.
Papa: She says that dogs aren’t really scary. If you can get past the slobber, they really are quite nice. Plus, other cats don’t mess with you if you have 6 dogs as your best friends.

Me: Where do you live in the house?
Crystal: Meow.
Papa: She says she initially chose a drawer in my workshop. It was the perfect place to have her baby kittens because if she needed an extra screwdriver, wrench, or hammer, it was right there and easy to get. My human Kate helped me pick out names for my kittens Pearl, Cloudy, Tiger, Tom, Juliet, Romeo, and Crazy.

Me: You got all that from “Meow”?
Papa: Yep. Cats compress their speech a lot, and it saves plenty of time.

Me: Crystal, could you describe your relationship with Kate?
Crystal: Prrr Prrr Prrr Prrr.
Papa: Kate makes her Purr. Kate’s her human even though they don’t get to live together all the time.
Me: I think I got that one. I might actually be starting to believe this works.

Crystal: Meowrr meow.
Papa: She says she likes it when Kate visits because she gets to play with her. The kittens like her a lot too. They enjoy exploring the backyard with her.

Me: Do all of your kittens get along with each other? Do you like living with Papa and Grandma?

Crystal: Meowrr Meowrr Prrr.
Papa: She says they all love living with Papa and Grandma because they always have good food and now can come in the house to explore and cuddle. Some of the kittens have found their own homes, but they all get along. For example, Tiger and Romeo are best friends, and they love hanging out together.

 

Me: I was wondering if Crystal the Cat has any advice on how best to reform the financial regulatory system to prevent future predatory lending behavior, speculation by banks into high-risk investments, and the rebundling of toxic assets. In addition, I was hoping she might comment on the possibility of the job market improving.
Crystal: Zzzzzz
Me: What did she say?
Papa: She fell asleep. I guess that ends the interview.