Awareness

It’s strange how knowing something about yourself sends ripples out that affect your perspective on so many things. What you know can be a good thing or a bad one. In this case, being pregnant (definitely a good thing), I find myself wondering if that queasiness is because of the life starting to form inside me or if I would normally feel that way. I am more concerned about my body: am I tired, hungry, thirsty, hot, cold? And the hand drifts down to the belly, just to rest there a little while.

Part of me wants large flashing signs updating me on what is going on inside me. “Yyyyyesssss! Another cell has split! Look at that ectoderm forming!” It’s big news. Yet really not much is visibly happening. I have to be patient and wait to see what is coming, wait for those physical signs of developing life (when my body will be adapted to someone else’s needs), wait for a doctor to tell me in the weeks to come so many things that we just can’t know right now. Pregnancy is anticipation, preparation…and waiting.