Yesterday afternoon was a whirlwind of joy, but it was preceded by sadness. First, a bit of the back story:

The Stressful, Sad Times

[Some “graphic” details coming up] Tuesday night after midnight I bled a good bit and passed some tissue. At the time, we thought I had miscarried. We hugged, cried, stayed up late watching TV until we felt we could fall asleep. The next day, Puck drove me to campus so I could teach my 8 AM class. After class, he picked me up and we called to make an appointment with our family doctor – Barbara Renwick. They squeezed us in at 3 PM. Puck took me to Border’s to buy a book to make me laugh – Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, and then we went to buy some comfort food for brunch. I thought I wanted French Toast with peanut butter and real maple syrup. Yum. But Puck also picked up a few things to make an English breakfast for us another day – bangers, ham, eggs, and baked beans. By the time we made it to the house, I was suddenly ravenous…and I all I wanted was that English breakfast with all that meat (hmmm…maybe that funny book was having a bad influence on me).

Puck made us a delicious English breakfast that I devoured, and then we trundled to our room for a nap (after our late night the night before). We got up in time to head to the doctor’s office. Dr. Renwick was very sweet and asked lots of questions about what I had experienced the night before. Puck was picking up on a lot of her body language, and he noticed that she seemed thoughtful after I described what had happened. She asked if I was still having any pregnancy symptoms (I didn’t yet know to add cravings to that list), and she referred us to get an ultrasound–telling us that we might still be pregnant and telling us a personal story about a similar experience she had had when pregnant with twins.

When we left the office, I told Puck, “I don’t want to get my hopes up.” So he kept to himself what he thought after the appointment. After a day with torrential rain that sometimes pelted you hard enough to sting, we were surprised when we left the doctor’s office and the clouds had cleared enough to let some sunshine through. On the drive home, we saw a rainbow with the brightest colors I ever remember seeing in one, and it just seemed like a sign of hope, though I wasn’t sure what kind of hope exactly. At home, Puck did some Internet research on the sly. Little did I know, he was already suspicious that I might be or had been pregnant with twins after his research. That evening, we went out for dinner, and once again I found myself ravenous for protein. We were going to have to wait until 2 PM the next day to see an Ob/Gyn and get our ultrasound.

Hope on a gray day.

The Rainbow after the Storm

Thursday morning was defined by waiting, waiting to know where we stood, what our next steps would be. It was a bit tense and sad. I picked up Puck from work to go to the appointment with me, and we watched the expectant mothers and mothers with their kids in the waiting room. I had taken the first available Ob/Gyn from the practice, and it turned out that was the only fellow in the group. He was a very nice Irish man. He asked us a few questions (though not as many as Dr. Renwick) and soon was doing the ultrasound. He described what he was seeing, but I was holding my breath waiting to hear if anything was alive in there. Then, he reached over and flipped on the sound. After a few moments of static, a fast little heartbeat filled the room. I couldn’t quite believe it, not even when he said, “There’s your baby’s heartbeat.” I had to ask, “So it’s okay? It’s alive?” I just had to hear the hope confirmed. Then he looked around a bit more and turned the sound on again…and announced that we had a second heartbeat. Once again, I just had to make him confirm that I was understanding correctly. Yes, there were two babies in there with their hearts beating away.

Dr. Wilson made sure we knew that the pregnancy was still risky because of my age, because I’m pregnant with twins and because I’ve had some bleeding. Still, the heartbeats sounded good and the one he could see best who was lower in the uterus (Twin A) looked good. And they were both a good size for their age.

Puck was standing next to me, holding my hand and affectionately rubbing my head during this whole process, and when we heard that first heartbeat it was an amazing feeling. My hands started trembling and I cried. When we heard the second, well, it just felt overwhelmingly wonderful. After the doctor left us, we laughed and held each other. We were so excited that after we scheduled our next appointment (in two weeks), we completely forgot to get my blood test downstairs and headed right out the door and for home. I caught Dad on his cell phone when he and Mom were driving out to walk the dogs, and after excitedly sharing the news with him, Puck realized we had forgotten the blood test. Back we went.

Then our evening was full of joy and phone calls, and we are still absorbing the fact that we are pregnant with twins–something completely unexpected but very welcome. I keep sending those two little tykes all the positive thoughts and energy I can. I fell asleep last night with my head on Puck’s chest and my hand on my lower belly, and this morning I woke before the alarm and just rubbed my belly, wished them well and healthy and enjoyed the knowledge that they were there inside me with those little hearts beating.