{"id":2280,"date":"2010-09-28T17:03:22","date_gmt":"2010-09-29T01:03:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/?p=2280"},"modified":"2010-09-29T10:23:28","modified_gmt":"2010-09-29T18:23:28","slug":"new-vocabulary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/2010\/09\/new-vocabulary\/","title":{"rendered":"New Vocabulary"},"content":{"rendered":"

From the Twin-Daddy:<\/h2>\n

Spending time with two newborn boys you start to develop parenting shorthand which leads to creative uses of the English language. \u00a0Here are a few new words or phrases we have been using lately:<\/p>\n

\"Wrangling\"<\/a>

Baby-Wrangling<\/p><\/div>\n

Baby-Wrangling<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The art, science, and practice of handling a baby (or babies). \u00a0Baby wranglers can be identified by their sleep-deprived faces, their tendency to rock anything they are holding to sleep (babies, backpacks, grocery bags, the neighbor’s cat), and their desire to feed milk into whatever nearby orifice is convenient. \u00a0This may lead to the burping of the DVD player, and the family dog may promptly sit whenever she sees a bottle nearby. \u00a0In order to keep a baby-wrangler at rest, place a baby on the wrangler’s chest, and the wrangler may drift off to sleep.<\/p>\n

Baby Coffee<\/strong><\/h3>\n

<\/strong>Baby Coffee is like regular coffee in many ways. \u00a0It is served hot and then allowed to cool over a period of time as the parent waits for it to reach room temperature. \u00a0In order to pass time as the coffee reaches the correct temperature, the parent will probably engage in baby-wrangling. \u00a0I have speculated that iced coffee drinks were invented by parents whose children are grown and no longer get to enjoy Baby Coffee.<\/p>\n

Father Food<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Father food is prepared in the same way that Baby Coffee is prepared. \u00a0Like revenge, it is typically served cold.<\/p>\n

Yours <\/strong>and Mine<\/strong><\/h3>\n

When the mother is holding a baby, it is **her baby**<\/strong>. \u00a0By definition, the other baby is **your baby**<\/strong>. \u00a0When the Twin-Daddy is out of eyeshot and a baby shrieks, he knows if he needs to come running when his wife yells, “That’s your baby!<\/span><\/em>” \u00a0The Twin-Daddy certainly does not suspect that the Twin-Mommy quickly trades the noisy-shrieker baby for the quiet angel-baby when the husband steps out of sight.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Her Baby<\/p><\/div>\n

\n

\"My<\/a>

My Baby<\/p><\/div>\n

Butt Surfing the Mustard Wave<\/h3>\n

This activity brings each of our children a special joy coupled with intense expressions and grunting. \u00a0Their joy is so manifest that they often wish to share the experience with you by producing butt mustard in such a quantity as to exceed the load capacity of a regulation-size dumptruck.<\/p>\n

Milk Vampire<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The milk vampire is a creature that awakens and immediately and spontaneoulsy shrieks at 200 decibels. \u00a0When presented with a milk source, the creature will briefly wave his head from side to side and then vigorously attack the nipple (plastic or otherwise). \u00a0While feeding, the milk vampire will make contented and happy noises after each swallow. \u00a0They also like to look up at you with their big blue eyes, and sometimes they even hold hands with the other milk vampire across Mommy’s tummy. \u00a0Really, milk vampires are pretty cute.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The Cuteness of a Milk Vampire<\/p><\/div>\n

The Countdown to Grumpytown<\/strong><\/h3>\n

This is the time interval during which a baby’s desire to eat is\u00a0initially\u00a0expressed in friendly and cute ways up to the final and dreaded shrieking and wallering.<\/p>\n

The Holding Pattern<\/strong><\/h3>\n

<\/strong>When a boy wakes up hungry but Mom isn’t ready to feed yet, he goes into the holding pattern. \u00a0This is\u00a0a heightened\u00a0form of baby-wrangling in which the Twin-Daddy practices all his most hardcore soothing tactics to reassure the hungry child that his parents are not intentionally starving him, warm milk is coming soon, and his mother has not been kidnapped by aliens. \u00a0This may be accompanied by irrational pleading with the child.<\/p>\n

The Pit Crew<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Breastfeeding two newborns at the same time is much easier with a helper we call the Pit Crew. \u00a0When the boys get hungry, the pit crew grabs boy-1, strips him out of his clothes, changes his diaper, and then may enter the holding pattern (see above) while Mom gets ready with her nursing pillow and various boob-related tools. \u00a0When Mom is ready, the pit crew drops off the first boy and repeats the pattern with boy-2. \u00a0When both boys are latched, the pit crew then brings the mom water or food as needed and checks on her needs. \u00a0Then the pit crew will burp boy-1 followed by boy-2. \u00a0When he is finished, boy-1 is burped again, has his diaper checked, and then is dressed for sleeping and put down. \u00a0We repeat that with boy-2. \u00a0People laugh at us when we say, “We are going to breastfeed the boys,” but the laughing ignorati don’t typically have twins.<\/p>\n

The Code of Silence<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Rather than an actual admonishment towards secrecy or quiet, this actually refers to the precautionary practice of keeping your mouth closed while changing the diaper of a newborn boy. \u00a0The\u00a0Code of Silence<\/strong> is typically paired with the\u00a0Code of Cover up the Dangerous End of the Winky<\/strong>, and the suddenly remembered\u00a0Code of Hit the Deck <\/strong>if you forgot the other codes and are about to get sprayed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

From the Twin-Daddy: Spending time with two newborn boys you start to develop parenting shorthand which leads to creative uses of the English language. \u00a0Here are a few new words or phrases we have been using lately: Baby-Wrangling The art, science, and practice of handling a baby (or babies). \u00a0Baby wranglers can be identified by […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2280","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-twins"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2280","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2280"}],"version-history":[{"count":27,"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2280\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2310,"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2280\/revisions\/2310"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2280"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2280"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.puckandmary.com\/blog_mary\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2280"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}