God Responds to Pat Robertson
God and Robertson
Yesterday, Pat Robertson claimed that God was punishing the people of Haiti with a devastating earthquake. In an attempt to be fair and balanced we contacted God and offered him a chance to respond.
Interviewer: I want to welcome you to the interview and give you a chance to address Mr. Robertson’s claims that you want to punish the people of Haiti. Is this earthquake an expression of your displeasure?
God: First, I want to be very clear to everyone that earthquakes are a natural process of the planet’s normal tectonic motion. When two large solid bodies slowly collide it creates a shearing and buckling effect which can occasionally result in a violent release of energy when two colliding bodies rapidly slip.
At this point in the interview God held his hands together and demonstrated a rapid sliding action by moving his hands in different directions.
When the pressure between two objects overcomes the friction a rapid slipping motion can occur.
God: As shown this week, it can be quite a lot of energy and it can be very destructive. On the other hand, tectonic motion is actually vital to all life on earth because it helps to maintain the balance of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. I use the same process to create mountains and move continents around. It is very handy.
Interviewer: What is your response to Mr. Robertson’s claims of divine vengeance?
God: I heard that yesterday Pat implied that I have some kind of grudge or vendetta against the people of Haiti and nothing could be further from the truth. Making this kind of claim is on par with saying that I’m using gravity to punish plane crash victims or diseases to punish the sick.
I want to make it very clear that these are natural processes and not any sort of value judgment. I’m afraid that some people feel like they have a unique provenance over morality and try to incorrectly assert ownership by interpreting a terrible natural tragedy as a directed act of malice to justify their own beliefs.
It is not my place to protect humanity from the world, but if you can help each other in times of need, showing compassion and respect for others, that is no small thing. You will find a few notes about compassion and other useful advice in my books which are available in stores now.
Interviewer: I’ll look forward to reading them.
God: Thanks. Would someone mind passing this information on to Pat? He doesn’t seem to be listening to me much anymore.
Interviewer: You can always try sending a letter to the Christian Broadcasting Network:
The Christian Broadcasting Network
977 Centerville Turnpike
Virginia Beach, VA 23463
God: I may have to give that a try.
Pat Robertson got PWND! (singing) God thiiiiiinks yooooour a duuuuuchebaaaaaag!
By Elizabeth Branscum on January 14, 2010 11:00 pm
God is tired of Pat using his name in vein. He is not listening to God and frankly the devil is LOL. Tell Pat to go tie a millstone around his neck and throw it into the sea–then he can speak to God directly right before he sinks into hell.
By Sydney Thomson on January 15, 2010 7:26 am
This was a very funny response - satire is powerful. Another good response at: http://donmilleris.com/2010/01/13/1513/
By Tyson on January 15, 2010 7:52 am
I’m starting to feel sorry for Satan.
By Sacanagem on January 15, 2010 3:03 pm
[...] hard to have missed some of his comments about Haiti. A couple of people have posted wonderful God Responds To Pat Robertson links, complete with Princess Bride references. (Hat-tip to and for the [...]
By the essential kit » Blog Archive » day off on January 15, 2010 4:26 pm
All these years I though God was punishing plane crash victims for their immoral, jet-setting lifestyles.
By mog on January 15, 2010 4:47 pm
This was fabulous. Had to send it around.
By Cindy on January 16, 2010 5:12 am
[...] God Responds to Pat Robertson | A Midsummer Night’s Blog http://www.puckandmary.com/blog_puck/2010/01/god-responds-to-pat-robertson – view page – cached Yesterday, Pat Robertson claimed that God was punishing the people of Haiti with a devastating earthquake. In an attempt to be fair and balanced we contacted God and offered him a chance to respond. [...]
By Twitter Trackbacks for God Responds to Pat Robertson | A Midsummer Night’s Blog [puckandmary.com] on Topsy.com on January 16, 2010 9:55 am
I am picturing the room of smiling zealots at whatever passes for a production meeting at CBN before the show…
Why yes, Pat, that’s right! God has stricken those godless heathens…mumble mumble…divine retribution…mumble mumble…the pollution in the Atlantic coast off of Virginia Beach is sign we’re the chosen people…
Seriously, this was spot-on. I particularly like “Making this kind of claim is on par with saying that I’m using gravity to punish plane crash victims or diseases to punish the sick.” That was precisely his belief about AIDS.
By Kurt on January 16, 2010 12:53 pm
It’s not the rocks that caused the Haitian disaster, it was the weakness of the way they build for each other. In this case it was paying too much attention to themselves and not on …, hmm… The word? The word on …rebar?…Being put into slavery?…being taken advantage of?…the experiences of the Earthquake nation…Japan. Seismologists have pointed out Japan’s adoption of British masonery archecture led to disasters in Tokyo and other cities in the 1879? 1927 earthquakes. The Japanese learned to reject all westernism as inferior. Someone took it too much to heart and spread what turned into a 30 year flirt with the devil we sometimes call “bushido”.
By Steve j on January 17, 2010 9:22 pm
This is a tone-perfect response to the likes of Pat Robertson. Well said. I made a comment about him and Danny Glover back when they made their comments, saying essentially that they both need to take a dose of STFU.
–Russell
By Russell Kinder on February 22, 2010 3:45 pm